JAI ON EARTH Discovering Our Planet

By Topaz Adizes

What was your first impression of me and how has that changed over time?

Often, we fall in love based on our first impression of our spouse, the tale we tell ourselves about them. When this occurs. It’s not uncommon for the rest of the relationship to become a dialog with, and a challenge to, that initial story that pulled us in. It’s like an anchor that we pull upon as the tide on which we travel through life eventually pushes us toward change.

The first impression that drew us to our companion lasts, for better or worse. And yet, no matter how powerful a first impression is, it just exists in your memory. Your companion, and you, have surely changed since our initial meeting. You are not the same people you were when you first fell in love. But are you clutching onto the ghosts of those two lovers? Is that attachment to the past preventing one or both of you from evolving into new versions of yourself? What was your first story of who this other person was and how is that story changing for you as you each grow together and individually?

As you live your lives together, the unfolding story of your partnership constantly challenges your initial impression of your companion. Revisiting it presents a dramatic contrast to the person in front of you, allowing you to appreciate their growth from a holistic perspective. Maybe some of your partner’s changes happened gradually. Perhaps you ignored or took them for granted. Perhaps you didn’t want to notice the changes since they took you further away from the person you were first drawn to. Some of us, or a portion of us, want things to stay the same and never change.

As you react to this question, you will have the opportunity to consider all of the changes that your spouse has undergone, allowing you to become more aware of how each of you has evolved as individuals. It permits both of you to live in the relationship’s ever-changing current moment rather than swimming.

As you bring that first image of your spouse back to life, you’ll automatically start asking yourself questions about how you’ve been reacting to that image–this person who is no longer with you but may still occupy a lot of real estate in your mind and heart. Is it the person you are still in love with? Are you comparing your partner to the person they used to be rather than appreciating the changes that have shaped them into the person they are today? Are they changing in a detrimental way that could be improved through conscious knowledge or intervention?

Or is it their evolution that makes you the most proud? Noting these developments aloud may allow you to demonstrate to your partner that you have long been aware of their bravery, fortitude, and growth. Have you told them that recently? Could now be the ideal time to give them that type of empowering recognition? Whatever they are, allow your growing awareness of the changes you see to foster greater trust between the two of you. They are evidence of all you’ve gone through, signposts and monuments in your path together, reminding you that what is true today may not be true tomorrow, and vice versa.